Fishy thoughts Self Worth

I have been doing allot of spiritual work on thy self , yes. It's amazing how Satan has a way to bring our fears and hurts to life. This can be a blockage for us or this can empower us. As I'am learning and growing through the wisdom of Kaballah. I'm learning to not allow others to affect me. Because the reason why they are attacking or reacting negatively towards me it's not because of me. But because of what they are going through in their life and looking for an outlet because they can't see beyond their reality or their emotional life .
 Right now , even though I did two to Michvah's which are baths you do to get rid of  all negative attachments , and chakra opening so I can receive more light energy and more of God's love. I'm still being harassed by my mother. The problem with my mother is she does the samething I do for a living. She's very oppressive towards me and very jealous of me. So when she no longer  needed me and ego started taking her and controlling her . The universe removed me from her situation . The universe took me on this journey. A not so easy journey, so I can learn how to be a stronger person, so I can understand the self better. Till this day she harasses me on the youtube. Wanting me to give up what I do because in her mind. If I stop doing what I'm doing she'll be famous and she'll make more money.She has so many accounts on youtube pretending to be other people, it's sad. It's sad to me that I have to watch my mother go through this. She's not as spiritual as I thought, she has so many issues and instead of dealing with them. They come out as negative emotions and she chases away the people who really love her.She can't see what she's doing how sad.  She's been doing this all my life which is even sadder. She has been devaluing me and breaking me down all my life. I use to allow this to affect in such a way . That it would take my peace.When I had something good happen to me it was taken away. Because I wasn't allowing me to have because I didn't deserve, so I thought.    Now I see that this devaluing a part of me. This is me not accepting me for who I'am . This me devaluing myself and not accepting my talents and being ashamed of my self. Because all my life from 0- 35. I've given her power over me, I allowed people to dictate my direction in life. I allowed people power over my situation. No more because I value the true and unique person that is me.  So as she continues to send hurtful negative comments on the youtube. They no longer affect me because I realize thats the old me. I realize she's having frustration with her career that she has to come over and attack me, my own mother. We should be helping each other grow not hurting each other but loving each other .
The lesson here as we are going through are mercury retrorgrade, saturn returns, and saturn doling out blessings and lessons. That person in your life who is making you shrink into yourself and causing you anxiety. Look with in yourself,what are you disappointed about with in yourself , what is it  you are not liking about yourself, what are your denying in yourself? Finding these type of answer are going to help you find better answer to these problems that constantly happen. Granted she will continue this thats okay is it going to shake me up , no . Because I know this is my purpose, and I know the more she continues to evil eye. The more blessing that will come to me. Happy travels traveller and may your journey be more sweet  

DEEP FISH THINKING BE A DELIBERATE CREATOR

I'am getting ready for Rosh hasHanah  . Every year I go to this and every year in August at this time four planets are in retrograde. Making you look at you and what you need to work on . This year I find myself being a deliberate creator. Meaning  I'm going to focus on my trip and do things like save money for my trip. Like focusing more on positive things and picking and choosing my help. Why because this is what works for me when I'm trying to create what I want. I deliberate  pick and choose  what I want in my movie.
This summer has been difficult for me because two of my grandparents on my husband side are passing. I learned that when I focus alot on missing them and being sad nothing happen with my money situation , nothing change with the number of subscribers on my youtube. Once I came to that realization that I need to not allow other people's journeys and situation affect me. I deliberately started turning my energy around. By delving more into my thoughts by choosing to be at peace.By making peace with their death and seeing it as a form of rebirth and yes they will be miss. The point is when the energy is difficult like that and it's affecting our reality we have to change our thoughts.
Sometimes what I notice doing readings alot of people say they want thing but their actions are saying something else. Example with the exs or those one night stands that come into our life. We have to remember or question why are they coming back into my life. Do I have karma or a past life with this person. Or maybe you did this action to this person  in this life so now you are watching karma. You have to question the relationship. Also when you move backwards especially with relationships know that nothing will change, it just repeats itself. Still the result is the same.  So why  go backwards because you are not ready for change, because your lesson is to learn to see with your logical side rather than your heart. So beaware when you are trying to be deliberate creator in your life. Be honest with yourself , when your trying to change. Because we all have something we really want and sometimes we are so blinded by the flaws of others that we can't or choose not to see the flaws with in ourselves.      

MY TOP 12 LOYAL GUYS .SORRY DIDN'T MEAN TO COCK BLOCK ANYONE

01.Taurus if there planet Venus is not afflicted are pretty loyal and looking for a committed relationship. Remember on their time not yours and you'll be fine 
02.Cancer: Just watch your man when Mercury rx hits because he will be looking for all sorts of way to get back with his girl 
03.Capricorn:Sometimes likes complicated relationship and will see you but also see someone else. 
04.Aries: Gets bored , if you can't keep it interesting than is on the hunt again .
05 Sagittarius long as you give him space and trust him. You'll be fine but when you start assuming stuff than your in trouble and some of them can be commitment phobes
06.Leo: If you are not treating your king like the king than he'll simply pick up a mistress from his kingdom
07.Gemini:Seeing is believing with these guys, if there lips are moving and nothing is happening be concern
08.LIBRA: Sorry carebear but you can be a bit of the pathological liar. But I love the way you Lie.They will most likely cheat because you've figured them out or when things get real in the relationship.
9.PISCES:Boredom,there good for two weeks too 3 months and then they get bored because they are lazy in relationships. Try to find different dramitical ways to keep it interesting like adding other women
10.AQUARIUS:Like I said the sex aint good they are on their way out plus if they figure you out, they are on the way out.
11.SCORPIO: Are secretive , and get bored in relationships especially when they figure you out. Everything is on the down low why I do not know. Most likely not to leave their spouse for you, you've been warned
12 VIRGO ; They don't communicate, their feelings or desire,let everyone else know but their mates in regards to their desire. More than likely to have an online relationship. More than likely to not leave their spouse so you've been warned

something fun

Aries: Most likely to hunt down their love conquest
Taurus: Most likely to pick up you up near where they live or at their hang outs
Gemini: Most likely to pick you up on line, or on a dating site
Cancer:Most likely to fall for anything you say 
Leo:Most loyal, aka your first stalker
Virgo: Most likely to have an open relationship but forgets to tell everyone else about it
Libra:Most likely to rush into a relationship
Scorpio: SECRET LOVER,or you maybe in a love relationship, we don't know yet until they tell us
Sagittarius: Most likely to meet them at a party or club. They are the one doing all the cool dance moves with all the cool lines,SUAVE
Capricorn:Most likely stalking you on line just say hi to them already,DAM 
Aquarius:Most likely to meet them on a gamer site because your level 20 
Pisces: Are already making wedding plans on the first date

Our mind is like a home: Fishy thoughts

In order to make room for new things you have to throw out the old, your mind is like a house. And as soon as you get your house organize and rid of old things or ideas that no longer work, then the house feels different and brighter. So think of your mind as a house you don't want it cluttered, and you don't want a lot of old things collecting dust because you can't put anything new in it. So your doing the samething with your mind when you hold on to old things or even negative people who aren't growing or changing they're kind of like weeds. Suffocating the beautiful flowers trying to growing. Samething with friends,some are like weeds. They suffocate the flower and the flower can't grow. Then the weeds take over and the garden is ugly. This is what happens when we are surrounded by negative people. Or even people who are constantly saying negative things and are pessimistic. It changes your mood , sometimes it's draining and can make you tired. When that happens just like the weed they took your good energy and feel good about themselves.
Think about this the next time things in your life aren't going well.  Sometimes it's us and are emotional self and what we are thinking all day long and sometimes it's the people we associate ourselves with     

Perspective( FISHY THOUGHTS)

Every Mercury Retrograde, I seem to write something or be inspired to write through my journey. I've been reading comments on my facebook and on mine twitter about arguments with others, and issues with other people are coming up. The problem we can say it's planetary because Mercury is in retrograde in the sign of Aquarius. Bring about this need for one's personal freedom or bringing out the need of the EGO.     Ego talks a lot about this time because Mercury rx shows what we want and some of us it's time to be alone, or peace and quiet. It's hard to obtain at home especially if married. I feel that when we talk about our situations, and take the other person's situation and compare the two. It gives us an opportunity to relate to each other. For example, my husband and I, my husband use to be a delivery man . He use to whine everyday about how he would clean and clean , sometimes not even get lunch. Now he's an account manger. I'm still a business owner, a mom, and a housewife. I clean my house but sometimes with all I have to do , I want him to help me . Instead of sitting on the couch watching me clean. So I don't yell at him because my feelings are coming from a place of ego. My feelings are being reactive so I must keep going; I know you have to develop a certain discipline to keep ego at bay but as I change spiritually so does my situation and the people in my life. You'll notice every five years we are not in the same place we were in five years ago.     I told him this and I could tell he didn't understand so I put things in perspective. I said " remember how you felt as delivery man cleaning while everyone stands around." Instead of getting into to a reactive screaming match and fighting because thats what my ego lives for. I change the script, he understood better, and he said I 'm a lazy person. He said, he will be more aware of my needs and situation and he's going to work on it.  We didn't yell, we came to a compromise and an understanding of where we are coming from.    This is an example of perspective, because when you make your situation relatable to what another person be through you have an easier time coming to a solution and understanding each other. You also have to talk with yourself and ask is this coming from a place of Ego, because not everything is about the other person sometimes it's just about you going through some emotional changes or needing to change somethings about yourself.  

DEEP FISH THINKING OF THE WEEK : DISPLACE EMOTIONS

 This energy here displace emotions took me a very long time to figure out or acknowledge because I did not understand what was going on with the true me or neither cared. As I delve now into my trueself , trying to remove the layers of onions around me. I realize I am a very angry , vehement person for the wrong reasons.
I 'am so quick to anger, so quick to judge, so quick to hurt someone else because the way I use to think; it would make me feel better.  It would bring me relief , it would make me feel good, but then regret comes in. Then I would feel bad , sad and very depress.  As I go threw my emotional journey, I realize I'm still mourning  the lost of my father.
  My father passed away when I was 13, I was told not to cry for him; I did anyways.  I love my father he understands me and always protected or stood up for me when my mother was trying to make me into something I was not.  My father wasn't a great man, he was rich, good looking ,  and a bad drug addict. When he died  my life changed, his siblings did not invite us to his funeral. I did not mourn as a family unit. I think being able to talk about your grief and mourn is process and also opening and talking about it.   I cried everyday till this day I cry for him. What I realize that a lot of my negative energy comes from  missing him. When I get mad it's over the top, crazy,okay. A lot of that vehement energy comes from his passing.  For the longest time I couldn't figure it out till today. When I acknowledge my hatefulness over something so stupid and I was jealous and angry over this situation. I paused and the situation was stupid, and I knew because I pause I'm still hurting from my past, I still hurting from the lost of my father, I'm still in mourning.  Then automatically a weight was lifted and my head clear.  This week when you are in this place of negativity ask yourself: where is the energy coming from is coming from a place of lost?? So the healing can come in and relief can start