Sunday, November 9, 2014


 This energy here displace emotions took me a very long time to figure out or acknowledge because I did not understand what was going on with the true me or neither cared. As I delve now into my trueself , trying to remove the layers of onions around me. I realize I am a very angry , vehement person for the wrong reasons.
I 'am so quick to anger, so quick to judge, so quick to hurt someone else because the way I use to think; it would make me feel better.  It would bring me relief , it would make me feel good, but then regret comes in. Then I would feel bad , sad and very depress.  As I go threw my emotional journey, I realize I'm still mourning  the lost of my father.
  My father passed away when I was 13, I was told not to cry for him; I did anyways.  I love my father he understands me and always protected or stood up for me when my mother was trying to make me into something I was not.  My father wasn't a great man, he was rich, good looking ,  and a bad drug addict. When he died  my life changed, his siblings did not invite us to his funeral. I did not mourn as a family unit. I think being able to talk about your grief and mourn is process and also opening and talking about it.   I cried everyday till this day I cry for him. What I realize that a lot of my negative energy comes from  missing him. When I get mad it's over the top, crazy,okay. A lot of that vehement energy comes from his passing.  For the longest time I couldn't figure it out till today. When I acknowledge my hatefulness over something so stupid and I was jealous and angry over this situation. I paused and the situation was stupid, and I knew because I pause I'm still hurting from my past, I still hurting from the lost of my father, I'm still in mourning.  Then automatically a weight was lifted and my head clear.  This week when you are in this place of negativity ask yourself: where is the energy coming from is coming from a place of lost?? So the healing can come in and relief can start