Monday, September 21, 2015

Fishy thoughts Self Worth

I have been doing allot of spiritual work on thy self , yes. It's amazing how Satan has a way to bring our fears and hurts to life. This can be a blockage for us or this can empower us. As I'am learning and growing through the wisdom of Kaballah. I'm learning to not allow others to affect me. Because the reason why they are attacking or reacting negatively towards me it's not because of me. But because of what they are going through in their life and looking for an outlet because they can't see beyond their reality or their emotional life .
 Right now , even though I did two to Michvah's which are baths you do to get rid of  all negative attachments , and chakra opening so I can receive more light energy and more of God's love. I'm still being harassed by my mother. The problem with my mother is she does the samething I do for a living. She's very oppressive towards me and very jealous of me. So when she no longer  needed me and ego started taking her and controlling her . The universe removed me from her situation . The universe took me on this journey. A not so easy journey, so I can learn how to be a stronger person, so I can understand the self better. Till this day she harasses me on the youtube. Wanting me to give up what I do because in her mind. If I stop doing what I'm doing she'll be famous and she'll make more money.She has so many accounts on youtube pretending to be other people, it's sad. It's sad to me that I have to watch my mother go through this. She's not as spiritual as I thought, she has so many issues and instead of dealing with them. They come out as negative emotions and she chases away the people who really love her.She can't see what she's doing how sad.  She's been doing this all my life which is even sadder. She has been devaluing me and breaking me down all my life. I use to allow this to affect in such a way . That it would take my peace.When I had something good happen to me it was taken away. Because I wasn't allowing me to have because I didn't deserve, so I thought.    Now I see that this devaluing a part of me. This is me not accepting me for who I'am . This me devaluing myself and not accepting my talents and being ashamed of my self. Because all my life from 0- 35. I've given her power over me, I allowed people to dictate my direction in life. I allowed people power over my situation. No more because I value the true and unique person that is me.  So as she continues to send hurtful negative comments on the youtube. They no longer affect me because I realize thats the old me. I realize she's having frustration with her career that she has to come over and attack me, my own mother. We should be helping each other grow not hurting each other but loving each other .
The lesson here as we are going through are mercury retrorgrade, saturn returns, and saturn doling out blessings and lessons. That person in your life who is making you shrink into yourself and causing you anxiety. Look with in yourself,what are you disappointed about with in yourself , what is it  you are not liking about yourself, what are your denying in yourself? Finding these type of answer are going to help you find better answer to these problems that constantly happen. Granted she will continue this thats okay is it going to shake me up , no . Because I know this is my purpose, and I know the more she continues to evil eye. The more blessing that will come to me. Happy travels traveller and may your journey be more sweet