Sunday, November 9, 2014


 This energy here displace emotions took me a very long time to figure out or acknowledge because I did not understand what was going on with the true me or neither cared. As I delve now into my trueself , trying to remove the layers of onions around me. I realize I am a very angry , vehement person for the wrong reasons.
I 'am so quick to anger, so quick to judge, so quick to hurt someone else because the way I use to think; it would make me feel better.  It would bring me relief , it would make me feel good, but then regret comes in. Then I would feel bad , sad and very depress.  As I go threw my emotional journey, I realize I'm still mourning  the lost of my father.
  My father passed away when I was 13, I was told not to cry for him; I did anyways.  I love my father he understands me and always protected or stood up for me when my mother was trying to make me into something I was not.  My father wasn't a great man, he was rich, good looking ,  and a bad drug addict. When he died  my life changed, his siblings did not invite us to his funeral. I did not mourn as a family unit. I think being able to talk about your grief and mourn is process and also opening and talking about it.   I cried everyday till this day I cry for him. What I realize that a lot of my negative energy comes from  missing him. When I get mad it's over the top, crazy,okay. A lot of that vehement energy comes from his passing.  For the longest time I couldn't figure it out till today. When I acknowledge my hatefulness over something so stupid and I was jealous and angry over this situation. I paused and the situation was stupid, and I knew because I pause I'm still hurting from my past, I still hurting from the lost of my father, I'm still in mourning.  Then automatically a weight was lifted and my head clear.  This week when you are in this place of negativity ask yourself: where is the energy coming from is coming from a place of lost?? So the healing can come in and relief can start

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Deep Fish Thinking

Hello happy traveler on this journey called life, sometimes called what the hell and other names. This week, I don't mourn but my husband family mourns a 17 year old boy. He was more like a vegetable, he couldn't see , he couldn't hear, he couldn't speak, he was wheel chair bound, and he was fed through a bag attach to his stomach. What a burden to take care of , why does God do such thing. This boy had such a powerful message to give. For 17 years his father and sister took care of him. His sister got a lot of flack from the family because she got paid by the state to take care of him. He began to lose weight and she was accused of neglect, some of the family wont even speak to her , so sad.
I believe God created all of us to serve a purpose in life, not to live and be part of our agenda. God already knows your wants and agenda, he created you. I believe this young man's purpose was to teach his family foremost patience.  When we are dealing with it, to still be happy in our current situation no matter what, and to be at peace. In vedic astrology, they would have said my cousin was going through her Saturn return and had a karmic lesson  with her little brother.  A saturn return in vedic astrology last for 10-13 years by the way.  She had to learn patience, and to put other people's needs first, and to love him no matter. She probably didn't learn that growing up at home with her family or she probably didn't learn it in a past life. I feel she learned her lesson and her family learned her lesson because he was taken so soon.When she talk to me about him, she would smile. Sometimes in life we have to have experience with people whether we want to or not , to close a past life chapter not to create new ones.Some of us learn it quickly and others of us it takes a life time.  What ever situation you are going through, it's temporary , it may feel like for ever , it's not. Thats your ego telling you it's further and you'll never get out of this situation. This week During Rosh Hashanah try to put your agenda behind you, pray for others, be kind to each other, and very important one tolerate each other opinions and actions.  

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Deep Fish Thinking

Hello,Hello,Hello happy travelers. As I begin to swim in thought. Talking about the power of words today."Why is it that words have the power to evoke feelings in us? For some of us ,like myself to take things personal and seriously . For others, they'll be like what ever and on with their life, I seriously wish I can do that. For me words make me react. Words do hurt me so how do I remedy it. I don't look at the words, I don't read the comments. My reality is actually quite and peaceful. Not one person has anything negative to say to me. My life is pretty boring but I like it .  In internet land everyone has a thought and opinion  on something,hell I do too.  I'm not vicious like some of the comments made by others, but I like to comment too.  Even in our reality people saying nasty things to us they hurt. Why do we take them personally , why do we give power to their words. 
This is an exercise to work on this week and through out our lives, because this is part of the human experience is to learn to tolerate what others say.  To learn to be indifferent but at the same time know when its constructive criticism and they are not just beating us up. We have to realize we are in control of our emotional self . We have to realize when the words are meant to hurt and when they are correcting us . We have to learn that this is your reality and you can pick and choose what you want in your reality. Me I choose to listen  to the corrections that I need to make from family and friends,some will be honest others not so much. I choose to surround myself with people that make me happy. The more peace of mind we have the closer are angels come to us to give and receive messages from God. The closer we are the more we attract into our life the things and situations we want in our life.  You can choose to listen to the negative words, or you can choose to be positive and look for things that make you happy as to not get you off track. From this day forward when some one is going to say something you don't want hear. Tell them don't give me that negative energy,keep it to yourself. Then even when your friends are crying to you and draining you. That is a sign that they are taking away your good energy. Tell them stop, call me when you feel better and we will talk. We have to choose are situations that we put ourselves through. We want nothing but the best so sometimes we have to remove ourselves from negative people that put us down. Even our own parents when were old enough we have to move out and live our lives. Sometimes we even have to confront the situation in order to break the negative energy.By saying stop, this is my story not yours ,I want positive things in my life. Just by saying "stop it", we acknowledge the energy and it is broken.  

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Deep Fish Thinking

Hello Happy Travelers, as I swim through life and life is good,God is good. I had a dream the other night that I would like to share. As I go through these blockages and start to rid the layer of onion to get to the true self. I feel I have to share my journey to help others understand their journey.  
   In the great words of Martin Luther King, "I had a dream". Not that kind of life changing, save people dream, not that dream. I would like to share something from my Kaballah classes before I start and from the Zohar. I 'am not allowed to share my dreams because if others dismiss it , it becomes a form of the evil eye then the dream wont come true. If you talk about your dreams to people make sure you talk about them to people who care or don't talk about them at all. Kaballah deals with the metaphysical and spiritual wisdom.
   Anywho my dream, I 've been having a lot of dreams with my mother in them. We are constantly fighting in my dream. Two nights ago, she was telling my client and other people how horrible I was. People were telling me this again(p.s.she's done this in real life). I didn't say nothing to the people but I went to her. I told her "you have all these powerful connections." You have all these movers and shakers in the entertainment industry but you were so about your agenda." God gave you many opportunities to help me."  Then I woke up, I wanted to be an actress all my life, thats it. I did a visualization board when I was 28 and asked on the vision board," what is my destiny." Viola here I'am . What does this dream mean, the meaning of this dream is to not wonder about what if and to not to feel guilty about what you did because I needed to do these things to get to this place.
   We can not be about the past; we have to about the present and where we are now and not think of the what if and the regrets.  We have to let go of that past. The past was suppose to happen we were suppose to grow from it and learn from it and move on. We cannot linger on the what if and the regrets because they were meant to happen to get us to the present.     Everything we do in life was either a lesson or serve a purpose to help us move to the present and into our future.
  Relationships are the same way, sometimes are love relationships or infatuations are meant to move us out of the place we are in and then leave. That person served their purpose in our life. For some they literally move us into another state,literally. We have a purpose this is where we need to be right now. Friendships the same way we learn from each others mistakes and help each other grow. Sometimes we have to leave each other because their agenda or our agenda doesn't match, or where they are spiritually  and where we are spiritually doesn't match. Like attracts Like , it's a scientific fact    

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Deep fish thoughts, how deep this fish can swim

I think my purpose of my life is to go through my human journey and have some of these experiences to share with others. This month, I'm going to SanDiego for Rosh-Hannah. I will admit for a bit my faith was shaken because I spent so much money on this trip so much so I'm broke. My faith is being tested because I was in lack and thinking in lack  this must be fake Kaballah. Why am'I in lack, right now I don't have a phone, and I can't pay my bills. My month of August was horrible. I kept reading my cards to see when it will get better. Finally I stopped because I should have known better. Because in are darkest moments there is God, in are darkest hours there still hope and faith.
I'm still broke but I should have seen and acknowledge the blessing my family received before we went broke. My landlord gave us  more than enough vegetables to help survive the month of August. I took it as another sign as God is going to bless me with abundance, because we had so many vegetables from his farm we shared with my husband family. This was my test for me, did it change yes. I didn't run and blame my husband for the lack of money in our life. I stop blaming Kaballah because when I was really going through it. Kaballah pulled me out of my emotional self. So this experience that I'm going through is my journey to Rosh Hannah, a sign that I will receive greater blessings.  I have to go through this lack to appreciate the abundance coming after Rosh Hannah. So my mental state is peace, I've been working on myself emotionally with my husband, so I feel lighter and my faith in God is stronger.
When we are going through lack , we have to take this moment or month to realize it's not forever. Prayer really works when we are in the emotional tar and we have to acknowledge the sparks of miracles in our life. God is listening  and we have to be at a state of peace. You can't allow yourself to have negative conversations when your going through it because you'll continue to go through it. Then when your not going through it , you'll feel like you are going through it and not notice or acknowledge the blessing around you. Are emotional dictates how long you'll be in lack. When you stop having the negative conversation with yourself . Your life begins to change.
Take this time when your going through the lack to start praying everyday to God. When you prayer you can't threaten , don't make promises you can't keep,and don't force the prayer. Like your having a conversation with yourself . Also when you are having conversation with yourself start everyday saying positive things about yourself, because your hypnotizing yourself into being that way, so it comes to pass. Take this  time to clean your house throw at old things, old food because you want new things to come into your life. This I experience through hurrican Katrina. My mom made me give all my clothes away and she said God will give you more clothes because he sees you don't have any. Sure enough I had a ton of new clothes,it's something to think about. When we donate to others we bring light to ourselves and sparks of miracles

How Deep a Fish Can Swim

I had a thought , hello happy travelers on this human journey having human experiences. As I begin to remove the layer of skins this onion has. I began to realize I gave all myself to others. I allow other people in my life to control me.
I'm learning to listen because when you listen to other people. They will tell you what they think is the matter with you. So, I listen and discover yes they were right. I don't like to open about my self, because I was always told "nobody cares and nobody wants to hear about your problems." For five years I've been happily married with this problem. I never opened up  to my husband nor any of my friends. No one wants to hear my problems and my voice is obnoxious (true story).This is not a story to make you feel sorry,so don't cry me a river or cry for me Argentina. A lesson on how when we let go of past hurts or what people say, we get back our peace of mind and are power. Let go of the past , how by talking about those things that hurt you, open up or write them down. Another suggestion would be when you are experiencing situations that don't make you feel good to change the conversation in your head. Because God created us in his image and we have to learn to see each other as divine beings. Instead of doing that we judge each other when really we are a reflection of each other. If you are calling this person names it's most like because you are not happy in your life, because of lack,loneliness or insecurities. People are not the reason why you feel these negative feelings its yourself giving people permission to make you feel this way. For a lot of  us , it's confidence. When we are not certain in ourselves nor have peace of mind we develop these negative feelings. What ever your situation is today start with an affirmation, I'am because I'am is one of God many names. I'am going to be successful, I'am going to be triumphant. I love that word triumphant because it invokes the trumpets inside me . You cant force these things you do have to be in a calm a peaceful state when you say affirmations and have faith that God and the angels are listening.  We are part of the creator so create a positive more fulfilling life for yourself.      

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

How deep a fish can swim

So last year around this time, mercury rx my friend was seeing or trying to see this guy. They fooled around and what not, he just wanted sex but she couldn't see that. She convince herself there was more(this is why I don't give free readings). I kept telling her nothing is going to happen , let him go , she couldn't, so literally for whole year I listen, all I kept saying to her you know how I feel. This goes in with the bread of shame, how the person going through the problem doesn't want to listen or change. So, I let her talk on the phone, cry , drain me of  my energy then finally because my son started feeling her energy too and he would cry. I told her she's no longer allowed to call me when she's depress, so she texted,loop hole, but that was fine the text didn't last long.  because I kept my answer short and simple.
Now this mercury rx comes along , and she finds herself in the same position I was in last year with her. Her friend is about ready to be a doctor and take an exam. Her boyfriend of so many years decided to break off the engagement because he doesn't want her to be a doctor.  Instead of letting this go and working on her degree, she decides to sleep around every doctor friend she knows. Sounds nothing like my friends story right, read this. So now the friend is hung up on one doctor who has a girlfriend. She calls my friend everyday and cries to her about this man. This man only wants her for sex and thats it,Voila the side chick.  There's more to do this story but I'm trying to make it short.
My friend tells me," I sometimes don't want to pick up the phone." " She's always crying and being depressing, but she keeps making the same mistakes." Here's were deep fish comes and show the crab some light. I told her, this is the same situation you put everyone else through last year. Just like her you didn't change, you didn't listen, and you spiraled down this hole of depression.  I told her this is your lesson, so you can't help her because she's not going to take your advice. You can learn from her because this will happen to you again. And when it does don't spiral see the relationship for what its for, and be realistic. Ask yourself is this sexual or is this love question it, question him. Remember  this because this is a dose of your own medicine because the universe is showing you and giving you a taste of what you put everyone else around you through. This is not a harsh lesson but it's a lesson in how to be realistic and honest with yourself  and to not drain others of their energy especially when your not going to listen.
Deep fish thinking, life to  me is a circle everything no matter how many circles there are it repeats we see it again, we may not notice it, or recognize it but it's there. If you stand outside the circle and pay attention, you'll see you've been there done that, you'll see how life just repeats. The whole point of this step out of yourself and look at your situation.  

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Relationships on the internet

This is a bit of a continuation on my topic from last week.  This week I want to talk about how there is enmity when being on the internet. That anyone can say or pretend to be who ever. I have several women on my facebook that claim to be bollywood actresses. I don't get all excited and jump and think o gee bollywood actresses "no". If I don't meet you face to face I don't know who you really are.  Again experience have taught me pictures LIE.
When it comes to internet relationships we create an emotional disconnect. We as human beings need to emotionally connect with people. Now of Days people connect through the social media well thats not really emotionally connecting. We still don't know who you are, and you still don't know who I'am.  Those of you saying I want love and connecting with these people via internet aren't emotionally connecting, because theres a wall . Literally a wall your computer screen creates that disconnection. It allows you to see what the other person wants to show you.  It allows both of you to hide ,  in order not be hurt, and what this does it creates problems in your reality.  You think because some kind of pen pal relationship is going on no, it's not really connecting. What it shows me in my opinion and from experience, internet relationship is someone or both people are scared of being emotionally rejected or hurt. Also this relationship shows me a person trying to create or pretend to be  someone they are not.  As soon as you meet this person face to face the truth is not revealed but it's getting there. What happens, the guy normally says after sex mind you, " we're moving to fast." Why well because the man or woman didn't want  a relationship, or because the reality and the character one has built in their head doesn't match the person or the person turned out to be fake.
Also back to my previous statement about your reality, it creates blockage with real love relationship, it prevents them. You are putting out to the universe I want to live in my head. Then the universe says okay there in love, so be it. After this it makes it difficult for love to come into your life because you have to learn to let love in from people close to you. You have to learn to allow your emotional self to be vulnerable which is a real fight between the emotional self and the conscious self .   Also it means that you need to work on seeing whats in front of you and work on being more logical. You could emotional , I'm that way I'm very emotional but knowing how I'am have to think like a man. I have to think black and white not 50 shades of red.
Because if I'm from one state and you are from another country, you are trying to have some long distance relationship than you need to drop your life and move to the states or I need to drop my life and move to you. But I guarantee you as soon as you talk about moving or bringing up moving the chances are the relationship is going to run into problems.   Because there's going to be some emotional blockage preventing this relationship to go further.  This is cause by not allowing others in your life always wanting your privacy, feeling like a relationship will inhibit your freedom, or making decisions based on gratifying the ego.
So when people say I want love you have to make it really  clear to yourself what is it you want, why do you feel like you want. Do you want to open yourself up ? Do you want someone to know the real you? When saying I want love  you need to break it down and be honest with yourself. Some people's vision of what love is very skewed . I'm just  be specific  with that because your actions and what you want are two different things. I want love but yet I'm having a disconnected relationship on the internet. You are actions are not matching your words. When your putting out there to the universe you are creating  contradictions in the universe.    

Friday, June 13, 2014


I've been in probably about 5 relationships in my life time, my first sexual experience was when I was 18 years old, and I've been in engage twice. Two of my relationships have been over five -3years, so in that two years of being single I've met some crazies.
 From my experience I learned don't trust men on the internet, when men talk it's just talk actions speak louder than words. If your man on the internet is saying he loves you, why don't you come see me and he doesn't pay for your ticket , red flag.  This means that he doesn't want to invest in this so called love relationship and it's just a booty call.  When men don't spend money on you, it means that they are not invested in you. Women are investments because we represent a relationship and we represent future. When a man start to complain that about spending money on you, and your expensive abort the relationship immediately, because he's going to turn into a weird what was I thinking moment.   If he has coupons to every restaurant he's making that effort to take you out.
 Also under the same breath I did like a lot of free things such as going to the beach sitting there and talking, I ate that stuff up or even watch me go shopping at the mall love it, I have a bag boy my favorite.  Don't allow him to get away with that all the time because this guy here was my first love and he's a five year relationship with no signs of change.
I will be writing more about relationships because this is what I'm  good

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Daily Journal

I'm going to write this week so far since yesterday has been weird energy for me.  Edgy energy I think it's the planets with mars and pluto in hard aspects this week , that have me looking at my self  in ward. Why do I keep looking in ward because with all thats going on around us, or problem there's a reason, YOU. I am the cause of my problems or what I allow in my life, and sometimes when we start changing are way of thinking or habits we change are movie. Right now, I'm trying to save up to go to Roshannah in San Diego California,I'm very anxious about  because I really want to go so I can gain light energy. Light energy is positive energy that when you tap in it, it protects you from the affects of the planets, evil eye, or crisis.  I love light energy because it helps me feel saner when my moons are out of wack lol.    Also when I take my Zohar classes, it makes me feel more at peace.
Anywho, this trip is 1600, I'm not trying to get money out of  people because I work hard for my money and God does not look kindly on people who ask for donations and who are capable of working.  Because then you'll see how those people never really change and everything stays the same for them and they don't spiritually grow. If any you try to help me , I will send your donation to the kabbalah center and me and my teacher will pray on your name and you'll receive a letter from the kabbalah center, so know thats where you money went. Why am'I writing about this , because it's weighing heavily on my mind because I want to have enough money to pay my bills and I want to go. The famous pisces trait excessive worry so what do I do with this energy. Look for an out let like I'm doing right now writing out my thoughts. Knowing that it will happen and having faith it will happen. Then if I'm still having this energy prayer, or even a physical activity like cleaning or exercising will help get rid of this energy . I find when I'm focus on something it helps me release this energy out to the universe. Anywho, I 'll put it out to universe and see what happens I will be in SanDiego  September 24-26, I do have a break so  I know I will be doing a small meet and greet , but no readings    

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Mercury retrograde by Marie Moore July 18, 2012

Mercury Retrgorade, I feel highlights the things you  really want,  and the things you  need to work.  This mercury retrograde listen to yourself, notice what is the desire, notice the difficulties, because really these are reflections of  ourselves. We want  a relationship , we are getting depress because  we dont have what we want, will to get love  you have to learn to love  yourself and be okay with or with out a relationship, when  you do that the universe notices that  and brings you a relationship, because either way your happy with yourself with or with one.  You may experience lack, so what are  you lacking  in yourself then try to  fullfill that need , or maybe like an onion  you have to work through the layers of onions to find why  you work or think that way and change. Mercury retrograde to me is all about working on yourself and loving yourself, and except the real challenges as  your healing process
This is an article I wrote about mercury retrograde last year, I thought, I should bring it back as a reminder. I added my own personal experience that I find my self in now. We learn are lessons through out our life  three times:   past , present and future. 
 I feel like right now, I'm going through a lesson to practice what I preach.  Someone in my life is calling me a liar. This person did this twice now, I know to let this person go because when people do you wrong twice or turn on you so quickly , no matter how much Help you gave them , it's time to let them go. If I allow this person in my life the third time I have no idea or I do have an idea the crap that is in stored for me. Unfortunately, no matter who it is in your life you have to learn to let go, watch the signs around you. If it's not coming from a place of love, or sharing or inspiring you to grow, but instead trying to hurt you  and cause drama in your life even though you done nothing but help and that person wants to play victim, let them go. This person will always be the damsel in distress in her movie.Let the victim go because they are not worth having in your life and don't want to grow and change. This has happen to me twice now in my life with another person. I know my actions that I did which was offering this person free help, and allowing this person to take up my time, when I could have been doing readings for others. This was my choice and I fed into the bread of shame, now this person wants to think I have contacted their friends and talked about their problem. What this done for me in the spiritual sense because I thought this person would change is take away a blessing from me aka a credit in heaven and also send the evil eye on to me.    I have no time in my life with yearly reports,hand written and natal chart interpretations hand freaking written to sit and call people. I don't even call my friends nor my husband everyone calls me.   By the way I do this for living , this my lively hood, it feeds my child , pays my bills, and helps me give to charity.  I'm so appreciative of my talents.I wouldn't jeopardize this for the world, I was meant to do this I was inadvertently trained to do this.   Alot of people in my life dismiss what I do , people think I don't have a job, but the IRS knows this is my career ,and God knows. I will not devalue myself to fit into your square box. Nor will I go out of my way to scam someone because everything in life is cause and effect. God gave me a gift to help others , to service others, God gave me a purpose and I'am forever grateful. I will never do anything in this life time or in the next to jeopardize my gifts. I'm stepping off my soap box, so the moral here it's okay to let go of those who do not benefit or treat you right , no matter who they are   

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Daily Journal

I love Kabbalah first of all because I'm so much in the present that I watch the signs around me about my self and others. I watch the lessons given by others an apply those lessons into my daily life. In 2009 , I had a falling out with my mother, it was my Saturn return in Virgo. My Saturn return was really dealing with alot with destiny and me not moving into that destiny because I gave my mother all of my time. Meaning even though she was establish with her business and I wanted to see her do well and I was happy for her. She really didn't want the same for me. At 29 I thought being an extra and looking pretty was my destiny and just be happy in general was my calling, I thought awesome. She does the same thing that I do but she's been doing it a lot longer than me, she has threaten me I think almost every year about my business. Listening to her and doing what she wants me to do , doesn't up lift me , doesn't make me a better, doesnt change me except keeps me in the bedroom of her house. Constant demands of being her assistant, I could have kept it going, if I didn't choose to take chances, and I think spirit would have been so loud for me , I really would have made her very jealous. You have no idea what honor it is when spirit while your wake comes talking in your ear.
       Do I reach out to her, or watch her website or facebook, yes for a while I did but then I stopped because she wasn't changing and nothing new was happening to her. All she does is pick on the fishes because I was born on that sign,sorry fishes, you are in the, you suck pool with me :) cheers pass the mojito.  I don't acknowledge her anymore because it doesn't change that situation because that person over there doesn't want change so why try to change that situation in my life. The way she sees the falling out with me  is different from the way I see, but I will not be a victim in that situation, but she can choose to be  a victim in the circumstance.  She can say I stole her idea , about starting a psychic business but you know what so can all the other psychic and astrologers. After my falling out with my family and yes I'am the black sheep of my family, the only person that acknowledges my existence is my half sister. Just because that person is dubbed a mom or dad doesn't give them the right to control your life, your job or who you love. You have to live for you. You have to do what's right for your soul, and for your peace of mind.  Why am'I talking about this part of my life, because I want people to know don't allow other people to control what you are doing and where you are going, let your parents raise you but when its time for you to live, go and parents children are not someone in your life that you emotionally control, because your mom and your dad. Your children don't owe you anything in this life. They are here to teach you something about your self and how to change that part of you. When you have a child you are asking for change, you are asking for that spirit to change that ego side of you.
I'm a parent and I acknowledge the soul in my child, I spend a good majority of my time playing with him, and also doing the responsibilities that I need to do to take care of him.     It's not easy at all because the majority of the time , I tired because I 'am battling between ego and my values which is to be present for him. It's a dam work out, I learned patience, I also learned to love unconditional, and to submit to the moment and enjoy the moment, because time is not on our side

Monday, May 19, 2014

Daily Journal

Last night, I saw a cermaic statue of chinesse dragon pot, and the picture is the artist in the process of creating and this was one of my majors in college. I wanted to be a ceramic artist, I had an innate ability, the first time I threw, I made a vase. I was in love with it, but I had at the age of 26 a major crush on this guy. This guy was also a ceramic major, he wanted to be a professor of ceramic or the professor was trying to convince into teaching ceramic something weird. One day, I decided to have the courage and tell him how I felt.   He did not feel the same at all , in fact the next day in class , he decided to bully me in class. He bullied the hell out of me, and I was really good , I had a unique style of throwing. He was really tearing my throwing style apart and tearing my work apart. I didn't go back, I didn't want to go back to school , I didn't want anything to do with college. In fact I was just about done with the major, like take pictures, make a cd and show your work done. I didn't want to confront, I didn't want to face him in fear he would verbally attack me  so I hid. I threw myself into my modelling and extra work and avoid,avoid,avoid.    
         Then around 2010, I started this business with the horoscopes just a blog and I even had a website for this too. Same thing happen to me again, my own mother verbally attacked me and bullied me, so I stop the website. I was working at KFC and Taco Bell, I  started to think I'm 30 years old I have nothing and I knew these people were never going to let me be anything.  I knew this can't be my life. During this time, I started my Kabbalah class and talking to my teacher, because I knew this can't be it.  My teacher told me you can't allow what people say scare you or dictate what you do with your life. Everything is about time, we have a certain amount of time then we die, thats it.  So I thought about it, I always liked the Youtube horoscopes, I thought I could do that, and of course my mother started but then I realized I'm 30 something years old. I can't live in fear of what others think of me, because it keeps me back, I can't runaway from what I want to do or have to do in this life. Trust this, she does have something crazy to say or something to say, thats great speak use your words, but know this I'm not watching or listening to what your doing or saying. I'm going to look straight ahead, I'm going to write and do my horoscopes to help other change. You can yell, send mass emails out about me , do what you have to do I'm keeping it moving, and if you want to stay busy looking at what I'm doing all you are doing is putting a spiritual spot light on me, and helping me grow, so Thank you. Never again will I allow myself to give into what other people think about me. I will continue to work and inspire others.  
          This was a lesson in my life, because if I continue allowing what people say affect this would be my third lesson. Our corrections in life, come in the same experience but come to us three times, Past, Present and Future , some thing to think about , if you keep seeing the same patterns

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Daily Journal

Every Sunday, I have Sunday dinner with my husband's Great grandmother, and every Sunday the church next to her over fills their parking lot to the point. We can't stay in the evening to talk with her and keep her company. I can't tell you how many times she went over that church and told them can you please move your cars across the street. Across the street in the middle of a field is a parking lot.  I can't tell you how scary it gets when the road to her house is a 50mph and your blind side is a bunch of cars. The scary part you can't see in the evening time any of the cars coming. How can you say or practice a religion based on human dignity, when you do not practice it yourself?
I can rant and complain about this because I have my one year old in the car and this is scary.  This is an example of people who talk them selves up , I'm a spiritualist , I'm a christian, proud roosters but that to me means nothing. Your actions towards another human being speaks louder than your words than your real beliefs. Your words mean nothing to me,your actions tell me you don't practice what you preach because you have to crowd this small parking lot and block you neighbor and blind your other neighbor. Don't say what you are, show it be kind to your neighbors, be considerate of other people around you, say hello to the stranger on the street that you don't know. Don't judge others because  they invoke some kind of feeling in you. This is such a big pet peeve of mine. I'm just saying the next time you  are in a parking lot and you are taking up two spaces think about your neighbor. I know it silly something so simple, but in the law of universe everything we do is about Cause and Effect

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Daily Journal

              I've decided to take time out every night or every other night and write about my day , thoughts, experiences or other people's experiences in order to help, or inspire others to change for the better. I've been wanting to do something new and I think I'm going to start writing about my experiences, not about my readings with my clients but my own experiences. I have  done almost everything except drugs, puff, puff pass twice in my life and it doesn't agree with my body, I'm allergic to life.
             Any who tonight , I think I will make this one a long one, but I want to write about why I don't give free readings. One it's about my self worth and just like anybody else with special talents or trade in general, it needs to be acknowledge that I'm giving my energy and time to help you change and in turn I need some thing back from you. Plus when I give a person a reading the client normally feels better after the reading  while I feel tired and lethargic afterwards. I have given my client or the person I'm helping my good energy and I receive nothing in return, but Marie you done a good deed. My reply no I have not because there are different types of help that we are not aware of. There's helping someone just to help not because spiritually you know your going to get some credits from God  which is really hard so you have to act upon naturally like a reflex. Not thinking oh I did a good deed credits in heaven; good deed doesn't work that way.   There's enabling someone, helping even though you know they wont change and bread of shame helping someone because you think you are doing a good deed and continuing to help them even though they don't want it which becomes a form of the evil eye.  That is why I charge people for what I do because if I do free readings then I'm devaluing what I do. I'm feeding myself the bread of shame because the person I'am helping wont change.  I know a handful of people that would argue  with me, this is not a forum for debate and I really don't like to argue which is another topic for another time. Anywho, the second reason why I charge for readings is from what experience dictates. Experience has dictated to me when I help someone for free, to help them to change for the better that person ignores my advice and also my predictions.  That person feels better about themselves because I 'm  giving my energy, but I don't feel better. In fact when someone doesn't change and I gave them free advice and readings, it actually doesn't give me any credit in heaven and turns into something bad for me. When my clients listen and have personal transformation of the self I receive blessings from heaven. When I receive blessings from heaven , it's like protection from the evil eye , from people wanting to do spiritual harm to me. As a mystic and a reader have to be careful when it comes to helping others so I choose to help others in different ways, instead of giving them a reading.  Everything we do, we have to show appreciation for. I have to have some kind of appreciation for my talents or else God will be like she doesn't like what she has then take it away. Sometimes that happens to us one day we are top of the world but because we don't acknowledge the creator and his angel, then  they give us drama ,lack and crisis. I hope this explains, I know some will say not really, but this is a rambling of my thoughts.  Sort of like a journal, because I do like journaling and this would be interesting to see where it goes