Monday, May 19, 2014

Daily Journal

Last night, I saw a cermaic statue of chinesse dragon pot, and the picture is the artist in the process of creating and this was one of my majors in college. I wanted to be a ceramic artist, I had an innate ability, the first time I threw, I made a vase. I was in love with it, but I had at the age of 26 a major crush on this guy. This guy was also a ceramic major, he wanted to be a professor of ceramic or the professor was trying to convince into teaching ceramic something weird. One day, I decided to have the courage and tell him how I felt.   He did not feel the same at all , in fact the next day in class , he decided to bully me in class. He bullied the hell out of me, and I was really good , I had a unique style of throwing. He was really tearing my throwing style apart and tearing my work apart. I didn't go back, I didn't want to go back to school , I didn't want anything to do with college. In fact I was just about done with the major, like take pictures, make a cd and show your work done. I didn't want to confront, I didn't want to face him in fear he would verbally attack me  so I hid. I threw myself into my modelling and extra work and avoid,avoid,avoid.    
         Then around 2010, I started this business with the horoscopes just a blog and I even had a website for this too. Same thing happen to me again, my own mother verbally attacked me and bullied me, so I stop the website. I was working at KFC and Taco Bell, I  started to think I'm 30 years old I have nothing and I knew these people were never going to let me be anything.  I knew this can't be my life. During this time, I started my Kabbalah class and talking to my teacher, because I knew this can't be it.  My teacher told me you can't allow what people say scare you or dictate what you do with your life. Everything is about time, we have a certain amount of time then we die, thats it.  So I thought about it, I always liked the Youtube horoscopes, I thought I could do that, and of course my mother started but then I realized I'm 30 something years old. I can't live in fear of what others think of me, because it keeps me back, I can't runaway from what I want to do or have to do in this life. Trust this, she does have something crazy to say or something to say, thats great speak use your words, but know this I'm not watching or listening to what your doing or saying. I'm going to look straight ahead, I'm going to write and do my horoscopes to help other change. You can yell, send mass emails out about me , do what you have to do I'm keeping it moving, and if you want to stay busy looking at what I'm doing all you are doing is putting a spiritual spot light on me, and helping me grow, so Thank you. Never again will I allow myself to give into what other people think about me. I will continue to work and inspire others.  
          This was a lesson in my life, because if I continue allowing what people say affect this would be my third lesson. Our corrections in life, come in the same experience but come to us three times, Past, Present and Future , some thing to think about , if you keep seeing the same patterns