Thursday, May 22, 2014

Daily Journal

I love Kabbalah first of all because I'm so much in the present that I watch the signs around me about my self and others. I watch the lessons given by others an apply those lessons into my daily life. In 2009 , I had a falling out with my mother, it was my Saturn return in Virgo. My Saturn return was really dealing with alot with destiny and me not moving into that destiny because I gave my mother all of my time. Meaning even though she was establish with her business and I wanted to see her do well and I was happy for her. She really didn't want the same for me. At 29 I thought being an extra and looking pretty was my destiny and just be happy in general was my calling, I thought awesome. She does the same thing that I do but she's been doing it a lot longer than me, she has threaten me I think almost every year about my business. Listening to her and doing what she wants me to do , doesn't up lift me , doesn't make me a better, doesnt change me except keeps me in the bedroom of her house. Constant demands of being her assistant, I could have kept it going, if I didn't choose to take chances, and I think spirit would have been so loud for me , I really would have made her very jealous. You have no idea what honor it is when spirit while your wake comes talking in your ear.
       Do I reach out to her, or watch her website or facebook, yes for a while I did but then I stopped because she wasn't changing and nothing new was happening to her. All she does is pick on the fishes because I was born on that sign,sorry fishes, you are in the, you suck pool with me :) cheers pass the mojito.  I don't acknowledge her anymore because it doesn't change that situation because that person over there doesn't want change so why try to change that situation in my life. The way she sees the falling out with me  is different from the way I see, but I will not be a victim in that situation, but she can choose to be  a victim in the circumstance.  She can say I stole her idea , about starting a psychic business but you know what so can all the other psychic and astrologers. After my falling out with my family and yes I'am the black sheep of my family, the only person that acknowledges my existence is my half sister. Just because that person is dubbed a mom or dad doesn't give them the right to control your life, your job or who you love. You have to live for you. You have to do what's right for your soul, and for your peace of mind.  Why am'I talking about this part of my life, because I want people to know don't allow other people to control what you are doing and where you are going, let your parents raise you but when its time for you to live, go and parents children are not someone in your life that you emotionally control, because your mom and your dad. Your children don't owe you anything in this life. They are here to teach you something about your self and how to change that part of you. When you have a child you are asking for change, you are asking for that spirit to change that ego side of you.
I'm a parent and I acknowledge the soul in my child, I spend a good majority of my time playing with him, and also doing the responsibilities that I need to do to take care of him.     It's not easy at all because the majority of the time , I tired because I 'am battling between ego and my values which is to be present for him. It's a dam work out, I learned patience, I also learned to love unconditional, and to submit to the moment and enjoy the moment, because time is not on our side