Tuesday, June 24, 2014

How deep a fish can swim

So last year around this time, mercury rx my friend was seeing or trying to see this guy. They fooled around and what not, he just wanted sex but she couldn't see that. She convince herself there was more(this is why I don't give free readings). I kept telling her nothing is going to happen , let him go , she couldn't, so literally for whole year I listen, all I kept saying to her you know how I feel. This goes in with the bread of shame, how the person going through the problem doesn't want to listen or change. So, I let her talk on the phone, cry , drain me of  my energy then finally because my son started feeling her energy too and he would cry. I told her she's no longer allowed to call me when she's depress, so she texted,loop hole, but that was fine the text didn't last long.  because I kept my answer short and simple.
Now this mercury rx comes along , and she finds herself in the same position I was in last year with her. Her friend is about ready to be a doctor and take an exam. Her boyfriend of so many years decided to break off the engagement because he doesn't want her to be a doctor.  Instead of letting this go and working on her degree, she decides to sleep around every doctor friend she knows. Sounds nothing like my friends story right, read this. So now the friend is hung up on one doctor who has a girlfriend. She calls my friend everyday and cries to her about this man. This man only wants her for sex and thats it,Voila the side chick.  There's more to do this story but I'm trying to make it short.
My friend tells me," I sometimes don't want to pick up the phone." " She's always crying and being depressing, but she keeps making the same mistakes." Here's were deep fish comes and show the crab some light. I told her, this is the same situation you put everyone else through last year. Just like her you didn't change, you didn't listen, and you spiraled down this hole of depression.  I told her this is your lesson, so you can't help her because she's not going to take your advice. You can learn from her because this will happen to you again. And when it does don't spiral see the relationship for what its for, and be realistic. Ask yourself is this sexual or is this love question it, question him. Remember  this because this is a dose of your own medicine because the universe is showing you and giving you a taste of what you put everyone else around you through. This is not a harsh lesson but it's a lesson in how to be realistic and honest with yourself  and to not drain others of their energy especially when your not going to listen.
Deep fish thinking, life to  me is a circle everything no matter how many circles there are it repeats we see it again, we may not notice it, or recognize it but it's there. If you stand outside the circle and pay attention, you'll see you've been there done that, you'll see how life just repeats. The whole point of this step out of yourself and look at your situation.  

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Relationships on the internet

This is a bit of a continuation on my topic from last week.  This week I want to talk about how there is enmity when being on the internet. That anyone can say or pretend to be who ever. I have several women on my facebook that claim to be bollywood actresses. I don't get all excited and jump and think o gee bollywood actresses "no". If I don't meet you face to face I don't know who you really are.  Again experience have taught me pictures LIE.
When it comes to internet relationships we create an emotional disconnect. We as human beings need to emotionally connect with people. Now of Days people connect through the social media well thats not really emotionally connecting. We still don't know who you are, and you still don't know who I'am.  Those of you saying I want love and connecting with these people via internet aren't emotionally connecting, because theres a wall . Literally a wall your computer screen creates that disconnection. It allows you to see what the other person wants to show you.  It allows both of you to hide ,  in order not be hurt, and what this does it creates problems in your reality.  You think because some kind of pen pal relationship is going on no, it's not really connecting. What it shows me in my opinion and from experience, internet relationship is someone or both people are scared of being emotionally rejected or hurt. Also this relationship shows me a person trying to create or pretend to be  someone they are not.  As soon as you meet this person face to face the truth is not revealed but it's getting there. What happens, the guy normally says after sex mind you, " we're moving to fast." Why well because the man or woman didn't want  a relationship, or because the reality and the character one has built in their head doesn't match the person or the person turned out to be fake.
Also back to my previous statement about your reality, it creates blockage with real love relationship, it prevents them. You are putting out to the universe I want to live in my head. Then the universe says okay there in love, so be it. After this it makes it difficult for love to come into your life because you have to learn to let love in from people close to you. You have to learn to allow your emotional self to be vulnerable which is a real fight between the emotional self and the conscious self .   Also it means that you need to work on seeing whats in front of you and work on being more logical. You could emotional , I'm that way I'm very emotional but knowing how I'am have to think like a man. I have to think black and white not 50 shades of red.
Because if I'm from one state and you are from another country, you are trying to have some long distance relationship than you need to drop your life and move to the states or I need to drop my life and move to you. But I guarantee you as soon as you talk about moving or bringing up moving the chances are the relationship is going to run into problems.   Because there's going to be some emotional blockage preventing this relationship to go further.  This is cause by not allowing others in your life always wanting your privacy, feeling like a relationship will inhibit your freedom, or making decisions based on gratifying the ego.
So when people say I want love you have to make it really  clear to yourself what is it you want, why do you feel like you want. Do you want to open yourself up ? Do you want someone to know the real you? When saying I want love  you need to break it down and be honest with yourself. Some people's vision of what love is very skewed . I'm just  be specific  with that because your actions and what you want are two different things. I want love but yet I'm having a disconnected relationship on the internet. You are actions are not matching your words. When your putting out there to the universe you are creating  contradictions in the universe.    

Friday, June 13, 2014


I've been in probably about 5 relationships in my life time, my first sexual experience was when I was 18 years old, and I've been in engage twice. Two of my relationships have been over five -3years, so in that two years of being single I've met some crazies.
 From my experience I learned don't trust men on the internet, when men talk it's just talk actions speak louder than words. If your man on the internet is saying he loves you, why don't you come see me and he doesn't pay for your ticket , red flag.  This means that he doesn't want to invest in this so called love relationship and it's just a booty call.  When men don't spend money on you, it means that they are not invested in you. Women are investments because we represent a relationship and we represent future. When a man start to complain that about spending money on you, and your expensive abort the relationship immediately, because he's going to turn into a weird what was I thinking moment.   If he has coupons to every restaurant he's making that effort to take you out.
 Also under the same breath I did like a lot of free things such as going to the beach sitting there and talking, I ate that stuff up or even watch me go shopping at the mall love it, I have a bag boy my favorite.  Don't allow him to get away with that all the time because this guy here was my first love and he's a five year relationship with no signs of change.
I will be writing more about relationships because this is what I'm  good

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Daily Journal

I'm going to write this week so far since yesterday has been weird energy for me.  Edgy energy I think it's the planets with mars and pluto in hard aspects this week , that have me looking at my self  in ward. Why do I keep looking in ward because with all thats going on around us, or problem there's a reason, YOU. I am the cause of my problems or what I allow in my life, and sometimes when we start changing are way of thinking or habits we change are movie. Right now, I'm trying to save up to go to Roshannah in San Diego California,I'm very anxious about  because I really want to go so I can gain light energy. Light energy is positive energy that when you tap in it, it protects you from the affects of the planets, evil eye, or crisis.  I love light energy because it helps me feel saner when my moons are out of wack lol.    Also when I take my Zohar classes, it makes me feel more at peace.
Anywho, this trip is 1600, I'm not trying to get money out of  people because I work hard for my money and God does not look kindly on people who ask for donations and who are capable of working.  Because then you'll see how those people never really change and everything stays the same for them and they don't spiritually grow. If any you try to help me , I will send your donation to the kabbalah center and me and my teacher will pray on your name and you'll receive a letter from the kabbalah center, so know thats where you money went. Why am'I writing about this , because it's weighing heavily on my mind because I want to have enough money to pay my bills and I want to go. The famous pisces trait excessive worry so what do I do with this energy. Look for an out let like I'm doing right now writing out my thoughts. Knowing that it will happen and having faith it will happen. Then if I'm still having this energy prayer, or even a physical activity like cleaning or exercising will help get rid of this energy . I find when I'm focus on something it helps me release this energy out to the universe. Anywho, I 'll put it out to universe and see what happens I will be in SanDiego  September 24-26, I do have a break so  I know I will be doing a small meet and greet , but no readings